And maybe that's a topic of itself.
Why do I not know what to write about?
Maybe it's because I seem to have already written about anything that's been on my mind lately. I guess I feel like I'd be repeating myself somewhat. I could lament about things that I don't like, but that would be pointlessly downer for everyone involved. I could write about the things I've been doing, but then the post would be about three sentences long, because my life, like most of yours, is rather repetitive, day-to-day.
However, I have a bad habit lately of posting only once a week or so, and the last two posts haven't really been about myself (although perhaps that's a good thing; blogging is narcissism incarnate). So I feel the need to write something. So far I've succeeded in writing two paragraphs or so without really saying anything. I feel very accomplished.
Ok, now to actually talk about something that matters.
Marriage is an interesting thing.
One day you can be happy and so in love, and the next you can be at each other's throats. And it doesn't even have to extend to days. Anna and I have had days where our feelings toward each other swing back and forth multiple times in a few hours. It would make for very entertaining drama if it wasn't so much...drama...at the time. It's been a good ride though. I still can't believe how fast we're coming up on a year. It's been so long, and yet so short. I love not having to worry about how soon the wedding is, but there's a whole host of new responsibilities to think about.
I don't mind. I'd gladly take on more responsibility and worry to spend my life with Anna. She's a blessing beyond anything I could have imagined.
I really like my new car. It's clean, runs perfectly, gets better gas mileage than the Jeep did (27mpg avg. as opposed to 20mpg avg.), is comfortable, powerful and quiet. I never really saw enjoying a moonroof much either, but I do. And I'm glad for the opportunity to pass the Jeep on to my brother, who needs a car as much as I did in his position.
I am reminded daily, however, that it is just a car. Just a thing; a possession; and therefore is fleeting. I shouldn't hang on to it too much, nor put too much stock in owning in, much as I do think it's awesome. I think this realization is helped along by the fact that it was not brand new. It's clean, but it's got the little nicks and dings and scratches that are inevitable when driving a car daily. It helps me keep things in perspective and perhaps not be as persnickety as I would be otherwise.
Our tomato plants are starting to bloom! It's awesome. I'm not a failure as a gardener! I've counted a total of 30 budding blooms so far on the two plants. It made me feel very proud of myself, so I guess I inherited my father's green thumb. I have no problem with that. I like the idea of having a large garden.
I want to move. I don't really like Texas, and I miss the greenery and rolling hills of the east. Texas is too dry and brown and flat for me to really feel at home here. I also want a house. A place to call my own and do with as I wish. Have a garden. Remodel. Paint. Landscape. Furnish. Decorate. Populate. :-)
It would be nice.
God willing...maybe soon...
That's all for now.
Ta.
Most of us nerds have followed the HD-DVD vs. BluRay struggle since before the technologies even hit store shelves. Those of us with a vested interest picked a side, and the prudent among us chose to keep our wallets closed until one party had emerged as the clear victor.
Recently that victor was named as Sony's BluRay, when Toshiba, buried in revenue loss from its aggressive price-wars tactics, caved to its rival. A few personal acquaintances took this as a sign to pull out the credit cards and start the conversion from standard DVD to BluRay. I was blinded momentarily by lamentation for HD-DVD; my format of choice--mainly due to the selection available on that particular format. When the sorrow had passed, and I realized that the things I wanted would eventually make their way to BluRay.
Then I had a bit of an epiphany. It was actually one of the slowest, most gradual epiphanies I've ever had, but it was an epiphany nonetheless: it makes no sense to convert, from a technological standpoint or a fiscal one. Let me explain.
BluRay, as a pure technological advancement, was a more versatile format than HD-DVD; with more storage and more widely varied uses. However, it is far from refined. Most of the touted capabilities have yet to be realized; with pretty much the whole slew of BluRay players that have been purchased to date already obsolete. The format was not ready for release, and consequently the early adopters will have an unpleasant jolt when they realize in a few months that their BluRay players can't even play the disks being released, due to firmware incompatibilities. Even the new model players that will be released in the next few months are lacking some of the key tech to fully access all of BluRay's possibilities. The technology isn't ready. It needs to go back in the oven and cook for a while.
BluRay is also expensive. It always was pricier than HD-DVD, and even now that HD-DVD has been crushed Sony continues to slap ridiculous price tags on players and disks. I did the math, and in order for me to convert to HD, I would have to lay out about $2000 for hardware (hdtv, BluRay player, random cables) and God only knows how much for disks (I have almost 200 DVDs, with about 100 more on my "wish list" that I would have to purchase in BluRay format) with BluRay movies running at an average of $26 each, $60-ish for tv seasons.
I realized, as I thought about these things, that I was just too cheap to put out all that money into a technology that was only half-baked, and on its way out even before it gets going.
Here's the thing; BluRay is the next step in the evolution of the DVD, but Sony is missing a crucial element--physical disks as a medium for entertainment are obsolete. Not almost; not becoming. Obsolete.
It's already happened with the music industry. CD sales have been in freefall for years now; making way for iTunes and the era of digital downloads. The DVD industry has, for the most part, turned a blind eye to the trend, and it was a reasonable action a couple years ago, but no longer. Internet speeds have reached the point where a standard-definition movie can be downloaded in an hour, and an HD movie in five. A gut reaction would be that five hours is still too long, but I disagree. Five hours is a meager time to wait for 4GB worth of HD movie, considering that the same size file would have taken a day or more a year or two ago. Consider also that internet speeds are continuously increasing, with the next generation of internet (and no it has nothing to do with wireless N protocol) just around the corner. With this internet, HD downloads will be a matter of minutes to seconds. If an increasing number of people are willing to wait a few hours for HD downloads now, imagine how many would jump on board if they didn't even have to take the time to swing down to Best Buy, or have Amazon ship the latest movie release to them, but could, with a few clicks, have the movie on their HDTV; quickly, legally and in its full 1080p glory. Apple has already started to take a bite of this financial pie with its HD movie rentals, and they are in the right neighborhood, but on the wrong street.
While rentals have been a huge business, people would generally be far more inclined to put out the money for an HD download if they knew they were going to get to keep it. I know I would. I have already begun to accrue the movies I own on DVD in digital HD format, and I would much prefer this kind of system to having to purchase physical disks.
I analyzed the cost of putting together a system for downloading, storing and watching HD content, and it comes down to about half what a BluRay player would cost for hardware, and a fraction of the cost for the actual movies. It just makes more sense.
I honestly believe BluRay is on its way out, and has been since before it even hit the shelves. The wise would do well to heed this warning and keep their hands off BluRay.
Which should be subtitled "How to send mixed messages and further confuse and bore our youth."
Horton Hears a Who was a passable family movie. Clean and not nearly as dark or strange as the previous two Seuss film translations. It recruits significant acting talent for the voices, and has a clever script.
It's problems start when it immediately begins to get bogged down in message. And the main problem with this is they are often conflicting messages. It's new-age-y liberal messaged mixed with traditional conservative messages. What seemingly attempts to be balanced just seems confused and top-heavy.
Here are the messages in the movie, as I saw them (Anna thinks I was overanalyzing it):
1. A person is a person, no matter how small. (A wonderful argument against abortion.)
2. Homeschoolers are stupid; walling themselves in out of willful ignorance. (Demonstrated by the central "villain", a kangaroo who "pouch-schools" her young one.)
3. Adults are generally oblivious and mindlessly follow mob-mentality. (Ok, can't really find a HUGE fault in this argument, but I felt like the movie just took it too far.)
4. Just because you can't see God doesn't mean he's not there; and He's be (A rare pro-deity message from Hollywood.)
5. Bad guys, no matter how villainous they seem all through the movie, only need to hear the voices of a tiny village to suddenly become weeping, hugging, eye-opened teddy bears. (I miss the times when children's movies dealt in absolutes. It is easier for a child to relate to the characters and understand the central theme when there are defined character parameters.)
Ultimately the overload of message in the movie distracted from what little humor there was, and left me a little more cynical about animated family movies in general. They've just gotten way too political and politically correct to be fun anymore.
Part the Second: Being an exposition of my muddled thoughts over the past 24 hours.
It's pretty simple. I don't like myself that much.
There are so many people out there on Xanga spouting dramatic, emo garbage about themselves and everyone else, and I hate to join the fray, but my head is so muddled about it all, maybe it will help...
I just feel like such a failure. About everything, really. It's not a matter of feeling like I don't have what everyone else has, or wishing I could be like something else. It's more isolated than that. It's more of a general feeling that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I used to know. And those things still get me all excited, and I love thinking about them. But it seems like I'm not moving any closer to those things, and if anything I'm moving away.
Add to that the fact that I want to provide a nice, comfortable living for my wife and future family, but I know that we can never be happy if I'm providing it by doing something I don't enjoy, or don't feel like I should be doing.
It's very confusing, disheartening and de-motivating. I miss feeling like I have direction and purpose. I felt that way when I was in L.A.. And it really had nothing to do with being in L.A.; more to do with doing something I loved.
I just don't know what I love anymore. There are so many things I know I would like doing, but it seems like I am never able to.
All of this stuff brings me into a generally depressed, resentful, sluggish, unhappy, unpleasant, uncommitted frame of mind, which inevitably causes self-loathing. And the cycle goes around again.
It's distressing, and again, I know what I sound like, but it doesn't change the fact that it's been the source of constant headache (literally and figuratively) for some time, and it's not getting any better.
I need a vacation. Someplace to clear my head.
Or put it in order.
Or something.
Now for some wacky fun.
These made me laugh and I felt like sharing.
I know, I should probably not visit websites like icanhascheezburger.com...
And a special one for Jenelle... :-)
I hope you have laughed, as I did.
Ta.
Today's topic follows the line of thought that's dominated my mind over the past week.
I've said it before on here, I believe, but I feel it bears repeating.
It never ceases to bring me amusement, how we never stop wanting toys, but the toys we want change drastically as time goes by. When I was under 10, it was Legos and water guns. When I was under 15 it was Legos and, well...more Legos. Between 15 and 20 it was computers and technology; Ipods, video cards and computer games.
Now I am 23, almost 24 (in two months), and I find myself wanting the least "fun", but the most expensive toys. I want a house. I want to landscape. I want a nice family car. I want a garage full of tools. I want a washer and dryer for our apartment. I want to build all kinds of things for the home. There's nothing I enjoy quite like working with wood. I know I've said that before as well, but it's so clear to me these days that I really love the prospect of working with my hands; building things that are to the specifications I choose, and in a style that I like.
It is this vein of thinking that has brought me inexorably again to a new building project. I have decided to begin work on my first major project: a widescreen tv armoire. I have found a design I really like, and provides detailed enough plans that I can easily tweak them to fit my needs. I hope to get started on it soon. I'm really looking forward to the opportunity to develop further skills and have some fun getting in touch with my primal instincts. Ok, maybe they aren't primal, but I think there is something in the core of a man that desires to work with his hands and conquer the knowledge he lacks. Some men tamp it down, or it has grown stagnant in them, due to years of disuse. But I think that, given the opportunity, the desire will rise to the surface, even if it is not acknowledged.
As for myself; maybe it is just my natural desire to learn, or my enjoyment of meeting and conquering challenges, but I get all handy-man-headed when I get near tools or rough, unfinished wood. Put a power drill in my hand and I'll immediately look for something that needs a hole in it. Give me a piece of wood and I start thinking about what I can build with it.
Oh well, I think I've rambled about this enough.
Aside from this, there's nothing that new going on with me, although there have been some changes at work. I finally got my raise, and it was a lot higher than I thought it would be, thanks to Marvin (my boss). He really went to bat for me, which I appreciate. Marvin, however, is leaving the company, so he will not be around anymore. His last day is Friday, and then I will be under the thumb of a stranger. Corporate is bringing in a temporary director (ironically named John as well; now there are three Johns working here) who will take over, at least for the next couple weeks. I don't know if he'll be permanent. Our regional VP is really big into making everyone jump through every possible hoop before anything becomes official. Regardless, I'm sure thinks at work will feel different from now on.
I am considering the possibility of transferring to a different location near here, for a promotion and more money. I just need to know what God thinks about the whole thing. And I need to see how things will be around here after we get a new director.
But that is the extent of my mental meanderings. Well, not completely, but the rest of it is kinda convoluted and confusing and a little depressing, and doesn't need to be represented here, at least not until I've got it all figured out.
In the meantime, I hope everyone is doing well. Give me a shout out and let me know how you are and what you're up to these days.
Oh, and this is what the armoire is going to look like:
Hopefully...
D&D creator Gary Gygax went to be with the elves and goblins in that great dungeon in the sky. He passed away yesterday at the age of 69. Apparently he was unable to reach the healing potion he kept in the medicine cabinet.
But for fear of sounding callous, I'm sure he will be missed by many, and it is always a shame to see someone die so relatively early in life.
In a more figurative vein, Mike Huckabee's presidential bid passed into oblivion yesterday, as well. John McCain cinched up the nomination with wins in Texas and Ohio, and the scrappy little former governor of Arkansas bowed to the "inevitable."
It's a shame. I really liked Huckabee; who he was and what he stood for. He is a no-nonsense individual with a level head and an everyman personality. His intelligence and cool-headed intensity made him the standout candidate in the Republican debate. I hope to see him further his political career, even if he can't be president. I would love to see a McCain/Huckabee ticket come the election, especially if there is a Hillary/Obama(or Obama/Hillary) ticket, but I somehow doubt that will happen. We can still pray though, right?
I just can't believe that Ron Paul is still opposing McCain. He should have bowed out months ago. He only has 6% of the vote, for crying out loud! He seems to be completely oblivious to the fact, however. He keeps campaigning and talking about how America clearly wants him to be president. He's certainly got his head somewhere, and it's not in the polls.
On another note, I finally have my new iPod Touch, and it's awesome. I knew I was going to like it, but I didn't know how much. I'll probably rave about it some more later. But for now I'm done.
Ta.
So.
Prayer would be lovely.
I really need/want to get this resolved ASAP.
Thanks.